Secondary Success

As the sparkly, white snow gently settles to the ground, and the children begin to create mountains of fun with their small hands, preparing to strive in this world of false glitter and glamour, I am taken back to how small they once were. I reminisce at how I held them in my arms, sang to them and had goals of them becoming little Einsteins at the age of 5. Wait … Einstein was the one who was referred to as being ‘stupid.’ Yet, as parents we seem to want them to read and write early, and race against the Titans, forgetting their own potential character and immaturity. The influence of their surroundings, whether positive or negative play a secondary role. We throw a challenge at them and expect them to soar through it, not allowing them to experience it in phases. We lose focus on the treasure we have in our hands and it becomes a story of the parents’ egos in combat. This became especially evident in our recent encounter with the dreaded 11+ grammar and private school entrance exam experience.

I never realised the jungle of destruction I was entering into when I enrolled my son to sit them. Having studied and lived most of my life in Toronto, I was completely alien to this concept. I found many people around me becoming discreet and hiding the secrets of tutoring and support from their fellow competitors. 10 year-old competitors. Where life just six months prior had been about knights and princesses, it had now turned into roaring lions and birds of prey.

As a parent, I think the preparation towards the exam was a terrible experience; one where I noticed the essence of certain individuals around us opening up to various demons. Acquiring emotional skills to get us through them has, however, been insightful as well as a steep learning curve. As parents, we want to provide our children with all the opportunities available. But what about the majority of parents who send their children to their local comprehensive schools? They seem to be turning out quite well. Yet, as parents we think that getting our child to sit these exams, tailored to very specific academic traits, we are providing them with the best opportunity. Once you scratch off the bark of a tree, the damage will appear in the form of dead branches and loss of leaves. Children have strong roots when they are born but when their strengths are peeled off and replaced with different traits that we, adults, deem pertinent, this can have a negative impact on their natural ability to grow. Deciding what is the best for our children as individuals is a dilemma that parents constantly face and that we need to be aware of. Despite the many videos and books I have read, I still sometimes have no idea whether I have advised mine with the best tools for success!

As the results day approached and I received the email of acceptance for the school that my son had got into, I was delighted. But then fear sunk in again. My son was going to a secondary school! Leaving the school he has been in for 8 memorable years. Friends he has made, and all that he has shared with them. Watching him play in the snow, I remembered holding his hand, walking him into his first day of nursery. In envisioned his teacher who had made his years at the school, one to cherish. Ready to start afresh. Make new friends. Learn new skills. Walk through challenges with his head up. Ready to use the tools to discover his potential. As I write, I try to ingrain in myself positive thoughts about change and moving on in life, before providing him with the words that he will need, in order to give him the strength to succeed, and to become an exceptional human being above all, ready to help his peers climb the ladder with him.

As much as we try our best to shield them from all the arrows that are thrown from different directions, we are not God. Let us take the help we are given. Let us have faith.

**A friend once asked me, “So what is your advice? We live in a society where academic achievements are pushed into the children at a very early age. Do we hold back from giving our children those chances?” Besides learning in school, I would start reinforcing topics a lot earlier, and educating them in a way whereby they do not realise they are actually learning; where learning becomes a lifestyle. Making them cram everything in last minute for the sake of the exam will make them detest learning. Encourage them to help others work towards the same goals too. Of course competition will always be there, but the world would be a better place if we wanted each other to achieve and if we were truly happy for another person’s accomplishment.