Fearful Parenting

Yet another talk on parenting. Another talk on how to acquire perfect children. Another talk given based on the generalised ideology that both parents follow a certain pattern of behaviour and live in an ideal situation.

We live in a place where the art of dealing with challenges is assumed to lie in common sense, and natural emotions such as anger and fear are seen to be weaknesses in a parent and child, who are both human.

Parenting is the most challenging, yet euphoric experience, a person can undergo. The parents’ evolve and grow through it, and their mindset changes as every year passes. The need for individuality is desired and missed.A range of challenges are thrown upon us. We are bombarded with a feeling of guilt. Eyes of hawks watch our child’s behaviour and our method of parenting; ready to make fixed judgments and predict their future. We begin to lose sight of the inner ability to nurture our children. The information we are bombarded with makes us question our innate ability to love and nurture. We critically analyse our actions, words and the behaviour of our children. Their natural expressions of anger and frustration begin to create an image of failure. They are human. We are human.

Children are unable to rein in their emotions. As adults, we find that a challenge. Providing a child with the tools required to be an aspiring individual according to society’s definition, is undeniably difficult. My son once told me, “Mummy, I am going to be the richest and most important person when I grow up.” My heart sunk for a moment, thinking of his purpose of life and the understanding that happiness cannot solely be associated with monetary acquisition. As the mind of a 36 year old reflects on words said by a child who is not yet able to rationalise his thought process, I smile and admire is determination and ambition. Now to work on the reasoning behind his goal.

Happiness is acquired when you are driven to make a positive impact in the world around you. When you do not allow the judgement of others to blur your vision. When you stop believing that the universe has plotted against you. When every challenge becomes a reason for you to deliberate on the time you have left to impact the world. When a smile brings comfort to your heart.

I was inspired to write this article after listening to a song by Avicii called ‘Wake Me Up.’ I am generally not a big fan of music or songs, but certain words in their various forms, when reflected upon, have great impact and depth, and fall upon thirsty minds.

Children face challenges beyond our understanding: judgement from society, societal influences, harsh words upon innocent ears and constant life changes. They did not choose to be in the situation they are in, but as their immediate circle of influence, we must be their platform for growth. A smile is rare and people only seem to see their own child within their vision.Parents racing to give their child what they all deem pertinent. Gymnastics. Dance. Drama. With the blessings that we have, a bigger responsibility comes with them.

“Feeling my way through the darkness. You tell me I am too young to understand. Life will pass me by if I don’t open up my eyes.”Listening to these words from the song made my heart sink but opened my eyes. Children are not too young to understand the importance of empathy. They are not too young to accept a challenge and to be provided with the tools needed to fathom that their parents too go through tough times. To understand that even adults have weaknesses. Most of us are all working towards one goal, whereby our strength is acceptance. Our aim is progress.

“I try carrying the weight of the world, but I only have two hands. I wish I could stay forever this young.”I picture the small hands of a child, searching for help. Hands I want to hold. Eyes I want to look into and whisper, “Everything will be alright.” Use the power of encouragement, so that a child can see clarity and positivity in a vision they can acquire. Inspire them to believe in themselves. The words will uplift them in all aspects of life.

“So wake me up when it’s all over, when I am wiser and I’m older. All this time, I was finding myself and I didn’t know I was lost.”Next time you rush around with your own children, don’t forget to think of the children in despair who are not as lucky as yours. A smiling face can still mend a broken heart. Be mindful of your surroundings.

Children need to feel loved, and tools of resilience need to be instilled in them at an early age. We need more people to give motivational talks to all the children out there. We need podcasts that reflect the natural challenges in the life of a child. We need to provide them with role models.

Parents need a helping hand from people who can give their children hope. I no longer want to know how to be a ‘good’ parent. I will never be the ‘perfect’ parent as society deems it so. What I do know is that my children will learn through my imperfections and my unique experiences and insight that I am based placed to impart to them. People in society need to come together to respect and inspire the children around them. These innocent eyes have a story to tell.

**I actually have no problem with parenting books or talks. As an avid reader, I search for answers and methods. But the answers are never black and white. We get so engrossed in creating a structure based on ‘parenting’ that we forget to enjoy the experience as human beings. Emotions and circumstances are so unpredictable, there can never be a one-size-fits-all.**